Sixth Month Reflection

I have now been here in BG for 5 1/2 months. That seems NUTS to me. It also seems crazy that a larger part of that time has been spent at site than in training. I know there is so much more time ahead, but several events today have made me want to pause and look back at the past 5 1/2 months.

I guess what got me feeling reflective was receiving a phone call from my host family. They wanted to make sure I was warm and had been wondering why I had not been on skype lately. I thought this was just about the sweetest damned thing anyone has done for me in a while. Although yesterday, the woman offering to help me chop my wood was a nice gesture. It was, however, negated by her 2 hour Bulgarian rant about a "Clean" Bulgaria. Anyway, after talking to my host family, I decided to read over some old journal entries from PST. I had already forgotten a lot of funny things that happened in the Dobro! It was also fun to see what my life is like compared to what I thought my life would be like. I will share a few excerpts from my journal later in this entry.

Finally tonight, I watched this week's worship from the Cathedral of Hope. And unsurprisingly, it matched perfectly with my feelings of nostalgia and reflection. This past Sunday was All Saints Day; a day to remember all those saints who have come and gone before us. This year I have been extremely fortunate not to have lost many people close to me, but still, every All Saints Day I remember my Granny and acknowledge my mother. These two women, prospectively, were the most positive and the most negative influences in my life and in many ways, still are today. I guess this is bordering closer to somber than to nostalgic. This year was also different b/c I "attended" the All Saints service from thousands of miles away and at a new church. This year's "In Memoriam" was a little harder to watch because unlike the previous years, most of the deceased were much younger. Instead of being in their 70's, 80's or beyond, many of these men and women were only in their 30's, 40's or 50's. It is a reminder that HIV/AIDS is still an unsolved problem and one, I think, that can be solved. Its also a reminder to be safe and smart. This is an unfortunate lesson taught by those Saints who have gone before us.

As I mentioned earlier, I wanted to post somethings from my PST Journal. Both some serious and frivolous thoughts that made me think or smile tonight:

From May 18th:
However, the creeping thought keeps crossing my mind that at least they can talk about their feelings with Bulgarian communities. [Some] hardships are not seen externally and are not accepted.... I have grown so relaxed with being who I am that I have honestly taken for granted that men and women are persecuted just for [being themselves]...I guess I did not fully prepare myself for this reality...

From May 27th:
When was the last time you played with a foreigner? Maybe that will be the title of my book...

From May 28th:
I HATE ROOSTERS! They are loud, they cannot tell time and you don't even eat them!

From June 28th:
If you wear a bow tie [to my funeral] you will receive a hand written note, from me, asking you to "please leave".

From July 6th:
We taught a blind and deaf boy how to swim (YAY SUSTAINABILITY!)

From July 10th:
I do not believe one can give too much of oneself. I do believe, however, that it is easy to over-extend yourself and venture into a area which is detrimental to your well-being. This is a selfless job in which sometimes you have to be selfish.

I also closed each of those journals with a written prayer and I would like to do so again now:

Heavenly Father, source of everything and in whose image I am created, I would like to thank you for this day. Thank you for everyone in my life, both those close and those who are far away. Thank you for all the love you have shown me and for all the blessings you continue to pour upon my life. I pray tonight for the discerning wisdom and the patience to make my earthly life all I know you want it to be. I would also like to pray for all of the saints who have come before me and surround me now. With the knowledge of their, and Your almighty presence, I pray that I may do good by them and You. May everyone experience Your unlimited love as I have, and in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, I pray. Amen.

The Increasingly More Verbose,

CE the O